


A Pair of Borrowed Glasses

by tatersalad5001



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Female Pidge | Katie Holt, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Mild Language, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 03:50:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8517448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatersalad5001/pseuds/tatersalad5001
Summary: It was a decision she went back and forth on a lot, whether to go. It wasn't an issue of whether she could, or whether she wanted to, but whether she should. It wasn't a question of whether her brother and her dad should be saved, it was a question of whether she should abandon her teammates. Because this rescue mission would mean just that. She would go alone, save them alone, bring them home alone. She didn't know if she would come back to the Voltron team after that. She didn't know if she could. There was a strong possibility that she wouldn't be able to. That's where the difficulty of the decision was. This rescue mission would mean probably leaving the team for good.
Should she do that to them? Could she do that to them? They didn't deserve that.
But neither did Matt. Neither did her dad.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is an exploration into Pidge's character I've been wanting to get into for awhile. And I have been, for quite some time. I've been working on this little by little for weeks, adding things in here and there. I haven't had time to do more than that. And now, here we are. Last night I sat in bed and finished this on my phone, stayed up a little later than I probably should've, and it's finally done, and I'm so glad. I'm glad I can put this out there now, I've been really excited for it. I haven't watched Voltron in awhile, so if something seems off or not right, that would be why, and I apologize if that is the case. But I've given it my best shot, and I really hope I've done this justice. I think I have.
> 
> From my small, quiet presence in different circles, I've definitely noticed that Pidge's pronouns and gender differ from person to person. And that's great! I'm glad there's so many wonderful interpretations of this wonderful girl, and I love it all. Many people like to use they/them, and that's great! Personally, I interpret pronouns and gender for Pidge in many different ways, but when it comes to actually talking about Pidge or writing things like this down, I like to stick to female pronouns for her. When it comes down to it, for me, Pidge's admission, "I'm a girl", makes it clear to me that that's how she sees herself. So I hope no one minds that I've done so in the past, and that I continue to do so now. This isn't to say that agender, non-binary, and other interpretations for her are wrong! I don't mean to say that at all, please don't misunderstand. But given the discourse I've witnessed in other communities over gender for other characters, the way people have hated and attacked over it, I feel the need to explain, as a precaution. Of course, this is a different situation, and I truly hope we are all better than that here, in the Voltron fanbase. But I'm overly cautious, and don't want to start anything. I apologize for the wall of text, but I hope you understand.
> 
> In any case, please enjoy. I hope you all are well.

They were hiding something about the Kerberos mission. Katie knew that. She wasn't stupid. They were hiding something, and she intended to find out what it was. They could bar her from the premises, keep telling more secrets and lies, but they couldn't stop her. Not with her family on the line. She would find them, no matter the cost, and she would bring them back.

And she truly meant that. She took all of her energy out of hobbies, studies, passions, and fueled them into her search instead. Every failure just motivated her further. And the more she looked, the more she gave up. Most recently, she had left home and said nothing, giving up communication with her mother, the only member of her family on Earth. She hated to, and she knew it wasn't fair to her mother, but she wouldn't find anything out staying at home. It would be worth it at the end, she told herself, to have everyone back together again, and it drove her forward.

And that's how she found herself in her room at the Garrison. By being there, she was giving up her identity as Katie Holt, and took on the identity of a boy named Pidge Gunderson, training at the academy. She cut her own hair, hair she'd been so fond of before but was now only in her way. A pair of glasses completed the new identity. The next time she saw herself in the mirror, she found it remarkable how much she looked like her brother.

It was Matt's own glasses she was using; she hoped he wouldn't mind. His current pair and prescription were with him, wherever he was. These were his old pair, a backup. They worked just as well for her methods, though, since she didn't need glasses herself. (Though if she was honest, with how often she sat at the computer, she was sure she probably would need them someday).

The glasses worked wonders in disguising her, but they were a bitch to get used to. It was difficult to see anything with them, and even hurt at times. Katie found herself squinting more often than anyone should normally. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice. If they did, they didn't point it out.

Her plan seemed to be going well. She assumed her false identity by day, and took on everything that came with it. How poorly she did in the academy, and how frustrated the people around her (especially her teammates at times) were with her were of no concern to her. She was there, she was allowed to be there, and could continue to be there, and that was all she cared about. By night, she kept up her search. She looked everywhere in the Garrison that she could. Offices, papers, records, anything that could be relevant. When that reaped little reward, she took a new approach. If she had a way to scan outer space for any abnormal activity, then perhaps that would lead to something. She had to build the technology herself, but that was easy enough. The only undesirable part there was that to use it, she would have to sneak outside, but she'd been sneaking around plenty already, so it made little difference.

She was even beginning to make progress. All the chatter she was picking up seemed to be leading to something, and it was very likely her dad and brother were related. But then her stupid teammates had to screw it all up.

Lance and Hunk. The two seemed pretty determined to go through some sort of weird team bonding activities. They wanted to work together, do better in their training, get along and be friends. And were the situation different, Katie would feel the same. But it wasn't, and all they were doing was getting her way. Even then, though, she could deal with it. It was annoying, sure, but at the very least they didn't interfere much with her search. Not, that is, until they decided to tag along one night.

That night, like many, she was out listening to alien chatter. More than anything, she was trying to make sense to it, figure out if it related to her family or not, and if it did, how. But it didn't make any sense. It was all just repeating one word. But maybe it she kept listening, something would change, or something would come to her and she'd figure it out. Hunk and Lance had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

Neither, it turned out, did she. The three of them stumbled their way into something so much bigger. Bigger than finding her family. Bigger than all three of them. Bigger, even, than the world they lived on. This was about the universe. This was about saving more people than she ever imagined could exist. And Katie never forgot what she was truly working towards, but at first she was pulled in. Enraptured. She had teammates, friends, that took her seriously and cared about her. She was deeper in space than she'd imagined would be possible in her lifetime, and the trip only took seconds, as if it were nothing. She couldn't get help but get caught up in the moment.

Soon, however, she pulled herself back to reality. Katie couldn't let herself get distracted. Even so, it was a fortunate outcome. Here she was, in space itself. Rather than staying put, either at home or at the Garrison, she could actively search and explore for herself. And in just a few days, she had more clues now than ever, and was finding more and more. She had to be getting close. So she stayed at the castle, she piloted the lion, but she kept looking. 

Around this time, she noticed that the glasses were much easier on her eyes now than before. Her eyes didn't bother her nearly as much, and they let her see...better, almost. She could still see find without them, but the improvement felt strange. Unwelcome. She began to try to wear them less, when she was alone, but opportunities were rare.

Life continued in this way, and it was nice. On the one hand, with the other paladins, she was fighting for the greater good. However small it may be, it really felt like they were making a difference. And it was nice to help and trust and be trusted. It was something she hadn't done in awhile, something she hadn't let herself do. And on the other, she was so close to finding her family. It finally felt like she was getting somewhere. And each success drove her forward faster, further. Someday, the four of them would be together again, safe and happy and everything they used to be. Everything she missed and more. That day was drawing near. She wouldn't let anything stop her.

Then finally, it all came together. Katie had the last clue she needed. She knew where they were. She knew how to get there. She knew how to bring them back. She knew how to get her family back together again. The end was within reach. All she had to do was go.

It was a decision she went back and forth on a lot, whether to go. It wasn't an issue of whether she could, or whether she wanted to, but whether she should. It wasn't a question of whether her brother and her dad should be saved, it was a question of whether she should abandon her teammates. Because this rescue mission would mean just that. She would go alone, save them alone, bring them home alone. She didn't know if she would come back to the Voltron team after that. She didn't know if she could. There was a strong possibility that she wouldn't be able to. That's where the difficulty of the decision was. This rescue mission would mean probably leaving the team for good.

Should she do that to them? Could she do that to them? They didn't deserve that.

But neither did Matt. Neither did her dad.

One night, during this time, Katie took off her glasses, preparing to go to bed. She looked around her room. Now, it was harder to see without the glasses than with them. She rubbed her eyes to see if it made any difference. It didn't.

If she decided to leave, the team would need a new Green Paladin. Someone else of her nature, someone with similar skill and talent. Was that feasible? Could she be replaced? ...It was a bitch to admit, but she could and it was. The Green Lion needed a paladin with a thirst for knowledge, who was always looking for answers and looking for another way, a better way. Even that was a bit narrow. There were many people out their driven by curiosity, many who wanted to learn more. Finding someone else the Green Lion would bond with wouldn't be hard at all, that wasn't an issue. As for her niche on the team, her area of expertise was something that was becoming more and more common, on Earth at least. It was getting easier to learn everyday, and she was by no means the best. Those two factors together paired together quite well; just look at her, after all. It wouldn't be a devastating loss. There were others that could do the job just as well. Many could pilot the Green Lion, but only one person could restore her family. And if her heart wasn't in this team, she would only hold them back.

Her decision was made. Family over friends. She was going to leave. 

Bringing it up to the others was hard. They were upset, confused, maybe a little hurt, definitely angry. But in the end, they accepted it. It was her choice to stay or not, and she had chosen. No one could force her, and no one was going to. And she was grateful. She had a lot of respect, for all six of them. If anyone could save the universe, they could. But she wouldn't be a part of it.

She was ready to go. Her pod was set on its course, she had everything she would need. And that's when the castle went under attack, and everything fell apart. 

She was still here. She couldn't abandon her friends when they needed her.

So she stayed, she did everything she could. In that very moment, leaving was the last thing on Katie's mind. This was where she was needed right now. And right now, that's all she cared about. She did things only she could do. They took back the castle, and they couldn't have done it without her. And as they celebrated that victory, as she thought about what came next, it hit her.

She was part of a team. A team that needed her, a team that she needed. They didn't just need anyone that could pilot her lion. She was their friend, and they were hers. They cared about her. A real bond had formed in this team, and she was part of that. She was part of something bigger.

Before he left on his mission, her dad used to talk about being on a team all the time. It was the greatest thing in the world. And there was nothing she had wanted more, not back then. Even now, she still wanted it. Was it selfish, putting her desires over other people? Probably, but so was abandoning people that worked with her and trust her for something else she wanted. It wasn't a black and white decision, and she knew that. But how could she give up something like this? How could she turn her back on people that needed her?

And honestly, what she was planning...would her dad and her brother really want that? When she told them everything that happened, how would they feel? Up to now, she'd given up everything to find them. But they wouldn't want that, would they? Not to say that they wouldn't want to be rescued, to see her again.

But they'd want her to live her life. They'd want her to be happy.

Katie owed that to them. She had to live for the three of them. And when they finally were reunited, she owed it to make the universe a better and safer place for them. 

A few nights later, she took off Matt's glasses and stared at them.

...She didn't really need that disguise anymore, did she? She didn't need to hide who she was anymore.

But the glasses were a comfort, too. It was like a part of him was still with her. 

Hopefully her eyes weren't too messed up from all this. He'd hate that. And so would she.


End file.
